Sunday, November 25, 2007

Online Dating

I love the internet. You can buy shoes online, catch up on your favorite shows, talk to your friends, and go on the hunt for that perfect soul-mate - all without leaving the comfort of your home. I finally gave in and decided to give online dating a chance. What did I have to lose besides $30?

I have spent a month on a website I will refer to as "" simply to avoid any impression of free advertising. I talked to a lot of men. Went out with a couple.

I spent an entire day talking to guy number one. Physically he was the exact opposite of what I'm attracted to. (For all you Sex and the City lovers, think of Charlotte's Harry.) We had a great time talking and a good date. The next day his lighthearted attitude completely disappeared and we were somehow getting involved in conversations about religion, children, marriage, and the like.

One of the major warning flags that came up was the issue of going to church. I'm not religious, and I don't see the point of going to a place of worship to feel spiritually fulfilled. He said, "He could not see a future with someone so close-minded that they couldn't even go to church once to see what it's like."

It was fun for a bit but a little creepy. I told him I wasn't really ready for a relationship right now which led to my getting a third-degree about whether I'm dating anyone, and how he is not comfortable with that. I told him it was fine and we don't have to go out. But no he wanted to go out with me, exclusively. Every comment he made was like "if there is any future for us, you can't..." It was getting supremely uncomfortable. I told him to just chill out.

He convinced me to meet him for another drink. For some strange reason, which completely escapes me now, I accepted. I met him and he immediately launched into more "future" comments. And I launched immediately into my "we are in different places" break-up speech, much to the amusement to the two men sitting behind him. He kept trying to argue with me, and finally I said "It's been fun, but I gotta go." And walked out of the restaurant.

He followed me outside and tried to hug me and talk to me, in front of the valet guys who were enjoying my discomfort to no end. By the time my car was brought around I was willing to say anything to leave and actually blurted out the "I'll call you" to escape. I didn't.

I have also met men who have done the classic "bait and switch". Posting pictures that are ten years old - with significantly more hair, or less weight. My favorite was the guy who listed himself as divorced. At our meeting it came up that he was three times divorced!

I've talked to a lot of men who I really meant to meet, but schedules got in the way and then interest waned. I think online dating may be really great for those who are genuinely interested in a relationship. After a month it started feeling like a job, I didn't want to go out with anyone or meet any more guys. And every conversation was feeling identical: "so what do you like to do for fun?" "where do you hang out?" "how do you like your job." My subscription runs out next week and I can't wait for the pressure to go away!

A Good Pick-up

A few months ago I experienced one of the cockiest pick-up attempts that completely worked.

I was standing at an elevator bank in the building I work at. In front of me were a bunch of people, one of which was a very tall guy. Built like Captain America, blond hair, blue eyes, and a chiseled jaw line that just begged to be traced. He was the last one into the packed elevator and I decided to wait for the next one to avoid the claustrophobia. He saw me back away and joked that I was small enough to fit, and held the elevator for me.

I got in and hit the button for the top floor. Captain America with his superb powers of observation took notice and asked if I would be the one meeting with him. I looked up surprised and said no. He laughed and started trying to guess where I work (still on a very crowded elevator where everyone was trying to pretend not to listen.) As he got off on the floor below mine, I finally told him I worked on the third floor - and the doors closed.

I went to the top floor to sign in, and I had to pass this group of men standing around the foyer. I didn't think much of it, we usually had people coming and going all the time. I signed in, my name, time, and my place of work. Then went back to the office where I work.

A few hours later the door to the office opens and there is Captain America grinning at me and laughing at my phone conversation. It turned out the guys in the foyer were his friends and had told him where I signed in, he used that information to track me down.

We went out for about two months. He was much older but very attractive. In the end we had communication issues, he would say we should make plans and not follow through. Or text me, and take ages to reply to my replies. I finally just gave up and moved on.