If I start talking to a man online and there is chemistry, I have a rule about never meeting him until we talk on the phone. It lets me hear his voice, and get a feel for his personality. I've found you can tell a lot about a man by his ability to do a "cold call."
I know it's not easy to call someone you've never talked to so I do my best to keep the conversation going. Most of the time the men who have the guts to call can keep a good conversation. Admittedly, my system is not foolproof but I can sense if a man is confident and if there would be chemistry on the date.
I started chatting with a guy online and things were going well. He immediately gave his email and I semi-joked that I don't initiate conversation with men. He laughed and we kept talking. After about a half hour he said he was going to Starbucks to study and that we should meet up. So I told him I'd be more comfortable if we talked on the phone first and we exchanged numbers.
He told me to call him right then so we could meet up later that night. I told him to slow down that I had things to do and if he wanted to call me after he was done studying that was fine, I could talk after 9pm. At that point I had to take my dog outside so I told him I'd be back.
While walking my dog he started texting me trying to convince me to meet him. I told him I couldn't study at starbucks and there would not be a point because we'd want to talk. I thought it was cute that he was being so persistent. When I got back inside he was still online and continued to press me. I told him that I really needed to go and study but that we could talk later that night.
He started telling me to call him now. That we should meet now. That we could study together. All the sudden he went from chat buddy to pressurer extraordinare. I again told him I had to go but to call me after 9pm. HE KEPT PERSISTING. He then made a joke that was semi-inappropriate and followed it up by saying it must've crossed a boundary. I joked back that his persistence was crossing the annoying boundary. At which point he said bye and signed off. I figured that was the end of it.
8:35 I get a text message telling me he wasn't sure how he felt about being called annoying. I texted him back that I had set my limits and that he kept pushing them, and that he couldn't even respect my request to call after 9pm.
There is a fine line between playful persistence and all out pressure. If a woman has boundaries and states them, she should be respected for it or at least respect those boundaries. By pushing them you are saying you don't respect her enough to care and take her wishes into consideration. Unless you're just trying to get laid; even then I don't see pressure as a successful tactic and feigning respect would still get you a lot further.
I'm not sure if anyone is out there reading this, but I'd love some thoughts. Please leave a comment -- even if it's just to call me a bitch. I could use a dose of reality!
Showing posts with label chat. Show all posts
Showing posts with label chat. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Online Dating
I love the internet. You can buy shoes online, catch up on your favorite shows, talk to your friends, and go on the hunt for that perfect soul-mate - all without leaving the comfort of your home. I finally gave in and decided to give online dating a chance. What did I have to lose besides $30?
I have spent a month on a website I will refer to as "connect.com" simply to avoid any impression of free advertising. I talked to a lot of men. Went out with a couple.
I spent an entire day talking to guy number one. Physically he was the exact opposite of what I'm attracted to. (For all you Sex and the City lovers, think of Charlotte's Harry.) We had a great time talking and a good date. The next day his lighthearted attitude completely disappeared and we were somehow getting involved in conversations about religion, children, marriage, and the like.
One of the major warning flags that came up was the issue of going to church. I'm not religious, and I don't see the point of going to a place of worship to feel spiritually fulfilled. He said, "He could not see a future with someone so close-minded that they couldn't even go to church once to see what it's like."
It was fun for a bit but a little creepy. I told him I wasn't really ready for a relationship right now which led to my getting a third-degree about whether I'm dating anyone, and how he is not comfortable with that. I told him it was fine and we don't have to go out. But no he wanted to go out with me, exclusively. Every comment he made was like "if there is any future for us, you can't..." It was getting supremely uncomfortable. I told him to just chill out.
He convinced me to meet him for another drink. For some strange reason, which completely escapes me now, I accepted. I met him and he immediately launched into more "future" comments. And I launched immediately into my "we are in different places" break-up speech, much to the amusement to the two men sitting behind him. He kept trying to argue with me, and finally I said "It's been fun, but I gotta go." And walked out of the restaurant.
He followed me outside and tried to hug me and talk to me, in front of the valet guys who were enjoying my discomfort to no end. By the time my car was brought around I was willing to say anything to leave and actually blurted out the "I'll call you" to escape. I didn't.
I have also met men who have done the classic "bait and switch". Posting pictures that are ten years old - with significantly more hair, or less weight. My favorite was the guy who listed himself as divorced. At our meeting it came up that he was three times divorced!
I've talked to a lot of men who I really meant to meet, but schedules got in the way and then interest waned. I think online dating may be really great for those who are genuinely interested in a relationship. After a month it started feeling like a job, I didn't want to go out with anyone or meet any more guys. And every conversation was feeling identical: "so what do you like to do for fun?" "where do you hang out?" "how do you like your job." My subscription runs out next week and I can't wait for the pressure to go away!
I have spent a month on a website I will refer to as "connect.com" simply to avoid any impression of free advertising. I talked to a lot of men. Went out with a couple.
I spent an entire day talking to guy number one. Physically he was the exact opposite of what I'm attracted to. (For all you Sex and the City lovers, think of Charlotte's Harry.) We had a great time talking and a good date. The next day his lighthearted attitude completely disappeared and we were somehow getting involved in conversations about religion, children, marriage, and the like.
One of the major warning flags that came up was the issue of going to church. I'm not religious, and I don't see the point of going to a place of worship to feel spiritually fulfilled. He said, "He could not see a future with someone so close-minded that they couldn't even go to church once to see what it's like."
It was fun for a bit but a little creepy. I told him I wasn't really ready for a relationship right now which led to my getting a third-degree about whether I'm dating anyone, and how he is not comfortable with that. I told him it was fine and we don't have to go out. But no he wanted to go out with me, exclusively. Every comment he made was like "if there is any future for us, you can't..." It was getting supremely uncomfortable. I told him to just chill out.
He convinced me to meet him for another drink. For some strange reason, which completely escapes me now, I accepted. I met him and he immediately launched into more "future" comments. And I launched immediately into my "we are in different places" break-up speech, much to the amusement to the two men sitting behind him. He kept trying to argue with me, and finally I said "It's been fun, but I gotta go." And walked out of the restaurant.
He followed me outside and tried to hug me and talk to me, in front of the valet guys who were enjoying my discomfort to no end. By the time my car was brought around I was willing to say anything to leave and actually blurted out the "I'll call you" to escape. I didn't.
I have also met men who have done the classic "bait and switch". Posting pictures that are ten years old - with significantly more hair, or less weight. My favorite was the guy who listed himself as divorced. At our meeting it came up that he was three times divorced!
I've talked to a lot of men who I really meant to meet, but schedules got in the way and then interest waned. I think online dating may be really great for those who are genuinely interested in a relationship. After a month it started feeling like a job, I didn't want to go out with anyone or meet any more guys. And every conversation was feeling identical: "so what do you like to do for fun?" "where do you hang out?" "how do you like your job." My subscription runs out next week and I can't wait for the pressure to go away!
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