Is it all about sex?

A few months ago I went out with a gentleman on a blind date. We went to a wine bar and seemed to hit it off fairly well. He wasn't really what I consider my type and the chemistry wasn't superb, but he was cute and seemed like someone I could go out with more than once. Definitely someone I wanted to give a fair chance.

We spent a couple of hours drinking wine outside, when it started to get a little chilly. He suggested we go to a nearby Australian themed restaurant. I was surprised at the choice, and even though I was certain it was closed that late I figured maybe he knew what he was talking about.

After following him to the restaurant and parking our cars, we walked to the door and sure enough it was closed. He then suggested that we go to his hotel room - conveniently located in the same parking lot - I kid you not. (He claimed to have just moved to town). I thought he was joking or just testing the boundaries and laughed it off telling him not to push it and went home without thinking much more about it.

He called me a couple of times and each time wound up rubbing me the wrong way. Once he called at 9am on Friday to ask me out for that night. When I told him I had other plans he started giving me the third degree, trying to find out where I was going and with whom. Each time he called he wanted to meet on short notice, and I genuinely had other plans that he would quiz me about. Then he would start pouting and sulking and trying to put me on the defensive.

Well last night he actually started instant messaging me. Telling me that I am tough to talk to, but he wanted to be honest with me. He told me he knew I was attracted to him (!) and that he was attracted to me, and that all the dates he'd been the girls have had no problem going to his hotel room...

I was so repulsed I gave him the "we're in different stages of our lives" speech, which he tried to argue against! And he followed his argument by asking me to go watch a movie at his house.

Is every gesture by men calculated to get women alone and into bed? Maybe I've been out of the loop for a while, but I thought men were supposed to at least play the gentleman on the first date. I know men always want sex (or food), I'm not that naive, but when did it become acceptable to say "all my other dates put out?"

The Silver Lining

After writing several somewhat negative posts critiquing men, I thought I'd share some of the sweeter and more creative things men have done to get my attention.

I had a date picking me up for our third date, we had gone out on several casual dates but this was our first dinner date. I came downstairs to greet him since my apartment requires several security checkpoints. He was carrying a bouquet of wildflowers and tulips and explained that the tulips were for my bedroom and the wildflowers were for the living area - so I could think of him wherever I was. It was really cute, and pretty original!

Another date came over with a bouquet of roses and several DVDs that he thought I would enjoy watching. I won't criticize the fact that he showed up thirty minutes early and insisted on watching them, but I will focus on the fact that after we went to dinner he said he had another surprise for me. He had remembered my favorite drink combination and had brought along a bottle of the liquor and mixer. It was a very clever way of getting back to my place! Although I would recommend playing it a little cooler and suggesting going to some scenic locale to enjoy the drinks! Don't rush the night!

A Proper Date

There are many ways to execute a wonderful and romantic date, and some of the best dates I've been on have been simple and spontaneous. A day at Six Flags, playing darts, or even something as simple as going to the bookstore together. I'm by no means a traditional "dinner and a movie" kind of girl, especially when it's for a first date.

I think if you go to watch a movie on the first few dates, someone is afraid of not being able to make conversation. The point of going out is to talk and see if there is anything in common, not to sit in a dark room for two and a half hours without communication. Don't get me wrong, after a few dates it can be very fun to sit in said darkened theater... but not right away!

I had a man recently invite me to his house to cook me dinner, I felt comfortable enough to accept even though it was our second date and looked forward to the experience. Two days before the date he started hinting at enjoying our "dessert" before dinner. It was cute the first time he mentioned it, but he kept referencing it to the point of killing any potential mood his romantic environment created. I got there already not in the mood for any cuddling, especially since I had to drive an hour to get there on a weeknight; you can imagine my dismay to see he really hadn't started cooking (even though he had me call when I was thirty minutes away) and really believed that we would start fooling around the moment we walked through the door.

I've also had several men want to take me to meet their friends by the third date, if not on the third date. Now that confuses me. If I accept a date to get to know you better, and we haven't defined the relationship (DTR) it just seems a little too premature to meet friends. It's like bringing someone home to meet your parents (post high school) there is serious consideration involved in who goes and when! Sure it's acceptable if it's an unavoidable social function, or the kind of party that a date goes unnoticed. But functions like house parties, double dates, and other such things should be reserved for dates you've had a chance to know!

Phone Etiquette

Call me old fashioned but I believe it is the man's job to call. This goes back to my previous post but I will not chase after a man, I believe a woman's job is to send signals of interest and receptiveness and allow the man to do the rest of the legwork. I'm not saying I'll never go after a guy, but generally I won't.

I believe that when you are casually dating the intial conversations should be limited to thirty minutes a day, maybe an hour every other day (at most). But no, I won't sit with a timer! A text message is nice, but only if it's non-conversational in nature ("Hope you have a nice day," "You're hot," etc.)

Phone calls are like mind-foreplay to set the energy for the date. Sure, talking all day and night with your crush is great for instant gratification. But if you want it to go somewhere, you have to build anticipation. Think of the dates which you were looking forward to, weren't you nervous? The nerves are part of the chemistry, by getting too comfortable too quickly you skip that entire stage. All the sudden the first, second, or third date doesn't feel like a "real date" anymore, but just like any other phone call except face-to-face.