I'd like to think I am optimistic and hopeful. In an effort to get out of my dating slump I rejoined match.com. Yes, apparently I am a glutton for punishment! I met some interesting men, but the problem is by the time emails and phone numbers are exchanged, so much time passes that I can't remember why we started talking in the first place.
I was talking to this one guy for a month, let's call him Sam. We emailed a bunch, and sent some instant messages; finally talking on the phone and arranging a date. He was very excited when he realized I would be getting off work in downtown and suggested we meet at this very trendy downtown hotel/condo complex - where he lived. I was amused at the presumption but didn't care enough to change the venue; there was no way in hell I would go up to see his condo.
Long story short, Sam spent the entire date telling me about the building. Who he knew, who he had seen, how many parties he had booked - everything except how much he had paid for his condo. I nursed my drink and watched our waitress who was so attractive I preferred watching her work the room, to listening to my date.
Why do men think its necessary or impressive to list people they know? It's one of my biggest pet peeves. When a man drops a name, he's not telling me how important he is. He is telling me that he thinks he is important because he knows someone. OR that I'm ______ enough to be impressed with his contacts.
***
I went out with another guy, let's call him Adam - one I met in the real world. Cute, really good on paper, everything seemed great; a real gentleman I thought. He and I got drinks a couple of times when he suggested he come over to pick me up so we could go out. Now I'm pretty weary of men wanting to pick me up. I've learned that it leads to: "the leave behind," or the "let's not go out," or the let me come in after I walk you to the door..." But this guy was cute, and he had never tried to kiss me so I figured maybe he really is trying to be polite.
I got all dressed up since I figured we were going out. To my surprise he shows up with vodka, club soda, and limes. He said he'd been dying to try this brand and figured we could try it before we left. I was somewhat on guard, but still wanted to believe the best in him. (Feel free to comment on my issues of naivete)
He made the drinks and we talked while we worked on them. Trying to figure out where to go and what to do. Neither of us could come up with a place we wanted to go, it was too late to eat and none of our friends were out for once. So the inevitable happened, "we" decided to rent a movie. Yes, yes, I know I was part of the process. But I didn't have any better suggestions, and you must remember this guy had made no move on me yet.
So we picked out a movie that he said I would love, and he bought it. We went back to watch it and things were great. We were drinking and he wasn't trying anything. At one point I got up and he put his arm around me and we cuddled. The movie ended and we started watching a different one, when all of the sudden he says he wants to take a nap. At about two am. I was taken aback, because who takes a nap that late? And did he really expect to nap at my house? I had no clue what to say!
He got off my couch and wandered into my bedroom, pointing out that we could watch tv in bed!!! I stood in the doorway telling him my tv didn't work (which it doesn't but I don't have the physical strength to throw it away.) I'm not sure if he was really drunk or really tired or really thought I would go straight from JUST CUDDLING to sharing my bed with him, but I told him no way.
He went back to my couch and sprawled out while I kinda stood over him with a WTF look. Finally I decided to just watch the movie because it looked like he was dozing off. After a few minutes he apologized "if he was being presumptuous"! I told him I appreciated the apology (what else should I have said?)
He finally got up to go and told me to keep the DVD so I could watch it again. Now I liked this guy. Beside his faux pas he was still very cute, and had a lot of potential. But there was no way I was letting him do a leave behind and then hear from him in two months that I still had his DVD. So I joked that we should watch ti at his apartment next time and made him take it home.
I'm still conflicted on this guy. He still didn't try to kiss me. He has texted me a couple of times but has been weird. I can't tell if he's embarrassed about that night or what. And to be honest I'm not sure if I'm into him anymore. I just wish I knew what he was thinking! Were his intentions pure? Any thoughts?
***
Yet another date I went on demonstrated my least favorite trait of clinginess. The date wasn't special, and the chemistry wasn't great. The guy was new to town and didn't want it to end, but I was tired and wanted to go home. I was barely back on the road when i got an immediate text that he had wanted to spend more time with me and wished to see me again real soon.
Now I know this is hypocritical but if I was really into the guy that text would make me ecstatic. But I wasn't even really on the fence with him, and that cinched it.
So if any guys are reading this, here is a tip. You lose nothing by waiting to text/call the next day. If a girl isn't that into you and you don't text right away she will wonder why not, so when you do text her the stress you put her through may make her think twice about blowing you off. And if the girl really likes you, again you lose nothing by waiting to contact her. It builds the anticipation and makes your attention more valuable!
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Monday, July 14, 2008
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Is it all about sex?
A few months ago I went out with a gentleman on a blind date. We went to a wine bar and seemed to hit it off fairly well. He wasn't really what I consider my type and the chemistry wasn't superb, but he was cute and seemed like someone I could go out with more than once. Definitely someone I wanted to give a fair chance.
We spent a couple of hours drinking wine outside, when it started to get a little chilly. He suggested we go to a nearby Australian themed restaurant. I was surprised at the choice, and even though I was certain it was closed that late I figured maybe he knew what he was talking about.
After following him to the restaurant and parking our cars, we walked to the door and sure enough it was closed. He then suggested that we go to his hotel room - conveniently located in the same parking lot - I kid you not. (He claimed to have just moved to town). I thought he was joking or just testing the boundaries and laughed it off telling him not to push it and went home without thinking much more about it.
He called me a couple of times and each time wound up rubbing me the wrong way. Once he called at 9am on Friday to ask me out for that night. When I told him I had other plans he started giving me the third degree, trying to find out where I was going and with whom. Each time he called he wanted to meet on short notice, and I genuinely had other plans that he would quiz me about. Then he would start pouting and sulking and trying to put me on the defensive.
Well last night he actually started instant messaging me. Telling me that I am tough to talk to, but he wanted to be honest with me. He told me he knew I was attracted to him (!) and that he was attracted to me, and that all the dates he'd been the girls have had no problem going to his hotel room...
I was so repulsed I gave him the "we're in different stages of our lives" speech, which he tried to argue against! And he followed his argument by asking me to go watch a movie at his house.
Is every gesture by men calculated to get women alone and into bed? Maybe I've been out of the loop for a while, but I thought men were supposed to at least play the gentleman on the first date. I know men always want sex (or food), I'm not that naive, but when did it become acceptable to say "all my other dates put out?"
We spent a couple of hours drinking wine outside, when it started to get a little chilly. He suggested we go to a nearby Australian themed restaurant. I was surprised at the choice, and even though I was certain it was closed that late I figured maybe he knew what he was talking about.
After following him to the restaurant and parking our cars, we walked to the door and sure enough it was closed. He then suggested that we go to his hotel room - conveniently located in the same parking lot - I kid you not. (He claimed to have just moved to town). I thought he was joking or just testing the boundaries and laughed it off telling him not to push it and went home without thinking much more about it.
He called me a couple of times and each time wound up rubbing me the wrong way. Once he called at 9am on Friday to ask me out for that night. When I told him I had other plans he started giving me the third degree, trying to find out where I was going and with whom. Each time he called he wanted to meet on short notice, and I genuinely had other plans that he would quiz me about. Then he would start pouting and sulking and trying to put me on the defensive.
Well last night he actually started instant messaging me. Telling me that I am tough to talk to, but he wanted to be honest with me. He told me he knew I was attracted to him (!) and that he was attracted to me, and that all the dates he'd been the girls have had no problem going to his hotel room...
I was so repulsed I gave him the "we're in different stages of our lives" speech, which he tried to argue against! And he followed his argument by asking me to go watch a movie at his house.
Is every gesture by men calculated to get women alone and into bed? Maybe I've been out of the loop for a while, but I thought men were supposed to at least play the gentleman on the first date. I know men always want sex (or food), I'm not that naive, but when did it become acceptable to say "all my other dates put out?"
Sunday, April 22, 2007
The Silver Lining
After writing several somewhat negative posts critiquing men, I thought I'd share some of the sweeter and more creative things men have done to get my attention.
I had a date picking me up for our third date, we had gone out on several casual dates but this was our first dinner date. I came downstairs to greet him since my apartment requires several security checkpoints. He was carrying a bouquet of wildflowers and tulips and explained that the tulips were for my bedroom and the wildflowers were for the living area - so I could think of him wherever I was. It was really cute, and pretty original!
Another date came over with a bouquet of roses and several DVDs that he thought I would enjoy watching. I won't criticize the fact that he showed up thirty minutes early and insisted on watching them, but I will focus on the fact that after we went to dinner he said he had another surprise for me. He had remembered my favorite drink combination and had brought along a bottle of the liquor and mixer. It was a very clever way of getting back to my place! Although I would recommend playing it a little cooler and suggesting going to some scenic locale to enjoy the drinks! Don't rush the night!
I had a date picking me up for our third date, we had gone out on several casual dates but this was our first dinner date. I came downstairs to greet him since my apartment requires several security checkpoints. He was carrying a bouquet of wildflowers and tulips and explained that the tulips were for my bedroom and the wildflowers were for the living area - so I could think of him wherever I was. It was really cute, and pretty original!
Another date came over with a bouquet of roses and several DVDs that he thought I would enjoy watching. I won't criticize the fact that he showed up thirty minutes early and insisted on watching them, but I will focus on the fact that after we went to dinner he said he had another surprise for me. He had remembered my favorite drink combination and had brought along a bottle of the liquor and mixer. It was a very clever way of getting back to my place! Although I would recommend playing it a little cooler and suggesting going to some scenic locale to enjoy the drinks! Don't rush the night!
Monday, April 16, 2007
Cell phone... friend or foe?
I have a problem. I have a hard time turning men down and setting limits. If I get in a conversation with a man, and there is any kind of even remote spark I tend to give him my number and agree to meet for coffee or something. You may think that it sounds normal, why not give a number if there is a spark?
The real issue begins sometime shortly after the first date (and in some cases even before the first date is over, but that's another blog entirely!). It doesn't matter if the date was spectacular or lukewarm, there is generally the issue of the follow-up phone call. I've had men call me immediatley after we part ways, and those who wait a few days. It usually depends on the spark and the man to determine appropriateness and whether the guy is seen as clingy, classy, hard to get, or other.
I have a basic rule of not calling men unless I'm returning a phone call that I missed, or that I told him I have to call back. I refuse to be the clingy girl who calls and needs constant reassurance. It may be seen as cold and standoffish but I believe its the man's job to call as old fashioned as it may sound.
I have recently run across a crop of men that seem to believe it is absolutely necessary to be in communication at all points of the day. Don't get me wrong, it can be fun to get a text message in the middle of the day to know that a man is thinking of you. But I'm talking about sending a text in the morning, spending an hour on the phone at lunch, calling again on the drive home, and then wanting to talk at night. In the alternative I've also experienced the guy who calls three times within a few hours just to confirm that we were in deed still meeting, and that I would not back out of the date.
I've actually had a date who called me two days after our first date which is acceptable in my opinion, but I missed his call. He left me a five minute voicemail telling me how much fun he had, how he hoped to see me the next weekend, telling me which days he was available, and remembering that I said I was really busy with projects that weekend. I was surprised at the length of the voicemail and didn't have a chance to call back and tell him that we would have to find another time when I found another five minute voicemail on my cell. This time trying to convince me to come out that Friday even though I had a family function. I was put off by having two such long messages in such a short time span, and since it was late I decided to sent him a short text apologizing for missing his calls, saying I was really busy that weekend, and the only chance I could see him was Sunday for a quick lunch.
Now don't get me wrong, I had no intention of blowing him off. He seemed like a nice enough guy and I thought we could have fun hanging out, but his behavior started sending red flags to my brain. My unease was confirmed quickly the next day, I had my phone turned off and by the time I turned it on I had several texts and voicemails asking me to meet him Friday or Saturday. Even for an hour. Even for a coffee. To just take a break from working. Even for an hour. (You get the point). I started to get annoyed, I told this guy I had something going on that was work related and he wasn't respecting it and pushing my boundaries. I called him and left him a voicemail telling him I couldn't do anything that weekend after all, hoping that a cooling off period would let him calm down, and letting him know that I would call him as soon as my work lightened up next week.
He kept calling, finally leaving me a voicemail telling me that he doesn't understand what happened how can I be so busy and that I should still meet him. But that he understands if I believe work comes first and he would "stop harrassing me" and that he would wait for me to call to make the next move. I was relieved and thought that I would leave it that way, and try to call next week. Well he kept calling, this time without leaving voicemail. Two weeks later I was at a mutual friends party and I saw him calling so I figured he was there and watching me so I answered the phone but couldn't hear anything. He wound up leaving me a voicemail that night accusing me of having a boyfriend and playing with him to boost my ego. Telling me that he was a nice guy and that I ran so cold so quickly after saying I'd had a great time with him. THEN, and here is my favorite part, he starts bitching me out for the actions of my friend who apparently slept with him (without my knowing) while she had a boyfriend.
This experience really taught me to watch who I give my number to and to trust my instincts more. But I still wonder, since when is it ok for a man to leave back-to-back voicemails? And to keep calling, even if he's not getting called back? Did I overreact? Should I have confronted him?
I think the purpose of a phone is to make plans, you don't need to talk five times a day. The anticipation of seeing each other and bursting to talk to each other is half the fun of the new relationship. If you talk all day long it takes the edge off the date butterflies, and while it may seem like a good idea - the butterflies are the point!
The real issue begins sometime shortly after the first date (and in some cases even before the first date is over, but that's another blog entirely!). It doesn't matter if the date was spectacular or lukewarm, there is generally the issue of the follow-up phone call. I've had men call me immediatley after we part ways, and those who wait a few days. It usually depends on the spark and the man to determine appropriateness and whether the guy is seen as clingy, classy, hard to get, or other.
I have a basic rule of not calling men unless I'm returning a phone call that I missed, or that I told him I have to call back. I refuse to be the clingy girl who calls and needs constant reassurance. It may be seen as cold and standoffish but I believe its the man's job to call as old fashioned as it may sound.
I have recently run across a crop of men that seem to believe it is absolutely necessary to be in communication at all points of the day. Don't get me wrong, it can be fun to get a text message in the middle of the day to know that a man is thinking of you. But I'm talking about sending a text in the morning, spending an hour on the phone at lunch, calling again on the drive home, and then wanting to talk at night. In the alternative I've also experienced the guy who calls three times within a few hours just to confirm that we were in deed still meeting, and that I would not back out of the date.
I've actually had a date who called me two days after our first date which is acceptable in my opinion, but I missed his call. He left me a five minute voicemail telling me how much fun he had, how he hoped to see me the next weekend, telling me which days he was available, and remembering that I said I was really busy with projects that weekend. I was surprised at the length of the voicemail and didn't have a chance to call back and tell him that we would have to find another time when I found another five minute voicemail on my cell. This time trying to convince me to come out that Friday even though I had a family function. I was put off by having two such long messages in such a short time span, and since it was late I decided to sent him a short text apologizing for missing his calls, saying I was really busy that weekend, and the only chance I could see him was Sunday for a quick lunch.
Now don't get me wrong, I had no intention of blowing him off. He seemed like a nice enough guy and I thought we could have fun hanging out, but his behavior started sending red flags to my brain. My unease was confirmed quickly the next day, I had my phone turned off and by the time I turned it on I had several texts and voicemails asking me to meet him Friday or Saturday. Even for an hour. Even for a coffee. To just take a break from working. Even for an hour. (You get the point). I started to get annoyed, I told this guy I had something going on that was work related and he wasn't respecting it and pushing my boundaries. I called him and left him a voicemail telling him I couldn't do anything that weekend after all, hoping that a cooling off period would let him calm down, and letting him know that I would call him as soon as my work lightened up next week.
He kept calling, finally leaving me a voicemail telling me that he doesn't understand what happened how can I be so busy and that I should still meet him. But that he understands if I believe work comes first and he would "stop harrassing me" and that he would wait for me to call to make the next move. I was relieved and thought that I would leave it that way, and try to call next week. Well he kept calling, this time without leaving voicemail. Two weeks later I was at a mutual friends party and I saw him calling so I figured he was there and watching me so I answered the phone but couldn't hear anything. He wound up leaving me a voicemail that night accusing me of having a boyfriend and playing with him to boost my ego. Telling me that he was a nice guy and that I ran so cold so quickly after saying I'd had a great time with him. THEN, and here is my favorite part, he starts bitching me out for the actions of my friend who apparently slept with him (without my knowing) while she had a boyfriend.
This experience really taught me to watch who I give my number to and to trust my instincts more. But I still wonder, since when is it ok for a man to leave back-to-back voicemails? And to keep calling, even if he's not getting called back? Did I overreact? Should I have confronted him?
I think the purpose of a phone is to make plans, you don't need to talk five times a day. The anticipation of seeing each other and bursting to talk to each other is half the fun of the new relationship. If you talk all day long it takes the edge off the date butterflies, and while it may seem like a good idea - the butterflies are the point!
Introduction
A single girlliving in the big city though not the same one that started the big show. I've had my "Mr. Big" relationship and I'm trying to develop more healthy dating habits. Most of my friends are in relationships so in order to protect anonymity I'm trying to separate my friendships and my dating life. I still want a forum to vent, to question, and most importantly get feedback. I'm flying by the seat of my pants as I explore the dating world and I want to hear from others who are doing the same.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)